Day After The Night Before…

melancholy

I slept like a baby last night.  It was a bit of an effort waking up and being coherent but I feel pretty OK, which is a relief.

In the past I was becoming a very light sleeper, I could not settle, I would wake after about 4 hours and I had developed night sweats which were actually quite bad.  This started after I was prescribed very strong antibiotics for PID, and, I have since discovered, because of my self medicating with a certain recreational drug.  But even after the antibiotics finished, the sweats continued.  I was also becoming very detached, my thoughts where spiraling again, and I would question everything.  I have managed to stave off self harming, though.  This is about 5-6 months now, I think.

I guess I had worked myself up a bit about the Mirtazapine (I think I had spelt the name incorrectly in the last post, apologies) antidepressants, which is silly as I have not exactly been on top of late so I should be eager to try something new, however, all of this stuff is pretty scary to be honest.

I remember when I was first on Sertraline 50mg then to 100mg I was full of energy, practically buzzing and hyper.  It wore off after a while and leveled out, as they are meant to, and I started slipping back into the Dark Side.  I still felt like I was on a safer level than before the antidepressants, however, I was self medicating and still breaking down inside, and I had started to self harm.  I upped my own dose from 100mg to 150mg and then again to 200mg.  The doctors did not say much about that, I was moving house during both those times so I guess they couldn’t anyway.

Mirtazapine

On paper it seems like it could be really helpful for me.  I self medicate too much with alcohol, I use recreational drugs, and at this point, I have not used a certain drug now for two days (another story for another time), although I have been drinking to help with the dependency.  I was a bit concerned that Mirtazapine is a sedative, but I think now that this will probably help with my feelings of restlessness and displacement.  I have also had trouble with concentration and focus, hopefully it will help with this, too.

Which is another reason why I chose to start this blog.  I need to find an outlet and something that will help me channel my energy.  I like to paint and make my own clothes, or little items for people, like electric cigarette cases or purses.  However, I have three or four things that still are not finished and I haven’t picked up a paint brush in months.  Except to paint the house that I have just moved into, which does not quite count.

I believe that everyone needs to have something to work on, to perfect and to look forward to. Something that is just theirs to watch grow beneath their hands.  That something, whatever it may be, breaks the monotony of this everyday life that most of the time is us straining ourselves for some other fracker, and to no real end other than to know that there should, hopefully, be enough at the end of the month to keep the roof over our heads and some tins in the cupboard for our children.

In breaking that monotony, and accomplishing something for ourselves, however slight it may be, keeps that little light inside of us from being fully extinguished.

glow

Never Say Can’t…

As they used to say; ‘There is no such word as Can’t’  😉

Jen

Jen, 27, was adopted at birth after being born with no legs due to a genetic birth defect.  She was taken in by a family with three sons and they raised her exactly the same… they taught her that there are no limitations.

So, Jen was drawn to sports and despite her disability she excelled in gymnastics.  Jen competed in the Junior Olympics and won a State Championship in tumbling competing against able-bodied people.

At 6 years old Jen idolized American Olympic gymnast Dominique Moceanu, and came to learn later on in life that Dominique was actually her sister.  Whaaa?!?! How about that for a plot twist, haha!

Now Jen works as an acrobat, aerialist and motivational speaker and has toured with Britney Spears, performing acrobat routines.

Jen says: “Although people I’ve just met are always amazed by what I can do, outside of work my friends say they forget that I’m any different.  I use a wheelchair to get around but I feel happiest performing acrobatic feats and hanging from silk threads.  Right now I’m living my dream – traveling the world and connecting with people from all walks of life.  My latest challenge is learning to dance – something I was never sure I’d be able to do.  Working with a professional dancer, I’m choreographing a routine which incorporates my aerialist skills.

We are all born with unique gifts and talents and I want to show people we can use them to change lives.

Finding out my idol was my long lost sister was just the beginning, my life has been about making the impossible, possible.”

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/gymnast-no-legs-tells-joy-4623666